The Four Fears

Defaulting to the known for fear of the unknown

We all know we fear change. That’s hardly news.

Having worked in the business of human change for over thirty years I can tell you that fear is REAL. Even in the face of some of the most urgent and compelling reasons to change - epidemics, potential for violence - people doggedly stick to what to what they know. People will choose the seriously flawed known over the unknown (even if it’s potentially better) almost every time.

Watching this play over the years I’ve gotten curious about fear, looking more closely at what people are really afraid of when they try to operate differently, shift their default mode, or step into unfamiliar territory?

Because that vague “I’m scared” feeling? It’s not just about change in general—it’s about change in you. What it will demand of you. What it might cost you. What it might reveal. Change unearths our deepest questions: Will I be OK? Will I like who I become? Will I know what to do? Will I belong?

I’ve come to realise these fears aren’t random—they’re patterned. I call them The Four Fears: fears that stop us from giving ourselves permission to evolve.

And here’s the thing: permission to evolve is more important than ever. In this volatile, uncertain world, we can’t afford to let these fears run the show. We have to look them in the eye. Understand what’s really at stake. And then, give ourselves permission to navigate change anyway.

We need to make one fundamental reframe of fear: It doesn’t mean “go back.” It usually means keep going.

So let’s name those four fears - and then look at some of my ten permissions and how they can help you deal with them.

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1. Novelty — “What is this? I don’t know it.”

This is the fear of unfamiliar terrain. The new role. The blank page. The unmarked path. You’ve never done it before, and there’s no map. Your brain equates unfamiliarity with danger—and your instincts scream retreat.

But here’s the reframe incoming: newness isn’t necessarily danger. It’s potential.

That’s where Permission to Experiment steps in. You don’t need to know what’s ahead—you need to be curious enough to find out. To try things, test ideas, place small bets on yourself. You can trade “I don’t know it” for “I’ll find out.”

Also: Take It Outside. Step beyond what’s familiar. Exit the routine. Exit your own echo chamber. Novelty is your ticket to growth, and giving yourself permission to explore means you’re no longer waiting for a perfect plan. You’re choosing the open road.

The world won’t hand you a roadmap. But it will reward those brave enough to get moving without one.

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2. Desirability — “Will I even like it?”

This fear hides under the surface: What if I make the leap and hate what I land in? What if I’m disappointed? Or worse—what if it’s just okay and I miss what I had?

This is where Permission to Feel Your Way becomes crucial. You don’t need certainty about how you’ll feel tomorrow. You need attunement to how you feel today. You’re allowed to trust your gut, follow your instincts, and adjust as you go.

You’re also allowed to Go Astray. Let that sink in. You are allowed to take a path, realize it doesn’t fit, and try another. You’re not bound to love every step—you’re bound to learn from each one.

The deeper fear here? That if we don’t love it right away, we’ve failed. But giving yourself permission to not know yet what you’ll love is part of developing your own compass. Your job isn’t to predict the future. It’s to stay in relationship with what feels alive.

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3. Capability — “Can I actually do this?”

This is the fear of not being good enough. Of being out of your depth. Of failing. You feel like a beginner again—uncertain, clumsy, unqualified. And so, your brain concludes: stay where it’s safe. Stay where you’re skilled.

But staying where you’re already capable guarantees stagnation.

This is when you call on Permission to Be Willful. To choose your life. To back yourself even when you’re shaky. You don’t need someone to grant you authority. You are the authority. And you’re allowed to claim that authority with a loud “Yes, I can try.”

You’re also invited to Make Believe—to imagine what’s possible, even when you can’t yet see it. Because capability grows not from certainty but from creativity. When you give yourself permission to stretch, to imagine, to learn in real time, you stop waiting to feel qualified and start building the capability that can only come from doing.

You don’t have to be ready. You have to be willing.

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4. Safety — “Will I be OK?”

This is the deepest fear. It’s about belonging, identity, and emotional survival. If I change, will I still belong to the people I love? Will I still recognise myself? Will I still feel anchored and secure?

When the old way of life is what gave you safety, the new way feels threatening—even when it promises growth.

Here’s where Permission to Travel Light comes in. You don’t need to carry every expectation, every attachment, every identity you’ve ever held. You can set some of it down. You can move forward with just yourself, your values, and your will.

You’re also invited to Forget About the Future. Stop trying to secure yourself by planning years ahead. In this fluid world, the real safety lies in being responsive, not rigid. Focus on today. On what’s true right now.

And perhaps most powerfully, you’re allowed to Look for Trouble—to trust that discomfort is not always danger. That a little friction is a sign of growth, not failure. That you are allowed to be in unfamiliar waters and still know how to swim.

Safety isn’t something the world can promise anymore. But it is something you can build inside yourself.

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What Fear Can’t See

The Four Fears make sense. They’re human. But they operate on old logic. They were shaped for a world that no longer exists—a world where the most important thing was to stay safe and approved. That world is unraveling.

This new world? It demands evolution. Creativity. Resilience. And the only way to grow those things is to move through fear, not wait for it to go away.

And that’s where self-permission becomes your superpower.

Fear says: You’re not ready.
Permission says: You’re allowed anyway.

Fear says: Turn back.
Permission says: Keep going. This is what growth feels like.

Fear says: You need a map.
Permission says: You’ll draw it as you go.

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Final Thought: Permission Is the Compass

In this world, fear is inevitable. But stuckness? That’s optional. When you feel the Four Fears tightening their grip, that’s your moment to pause and ask:

What permission do I need right now?
What story am I carrying that no longer serves me?
What version of safety, success, or self am I ready to update?

Because if you’re going to create a life that fits this world—and who you’re becoming in it—you’re going to need a different kind of courage.

Not the kind that silences fear.

The kind that holds hands with fear and walks forward anyway.

So go ahead.

Give yourself permission to be afraid—and go.